Episode 61: How to Truly Support Teachers With Jen Rafferty of Empowered Educator

We talk frequently on this podcast about the emotional well-being of teachers and the overwhelming amount of stress that they endure on a daily basis. Teachers are expected to do so much with often very little support, which ultimately leads to teacher burnout. But my guest on today’s episode, Jen Rafferty, shares how her company, Empowered Educator, focuses on the social and emotional aspects of supporting teachers.

Jen always wanted to be an educator, but when her circumstances changed, she realized her reason for teaching, to inspire people to discover their voice, could be utilized in another way. Her company, Empowered Educator, does just that. She shares how it got started and gives advice for dealing with fear and disassociating with the idea of pleasing people. Jen’s idea of success will help you redefine success and deal with teacher burnout.

 

Topics Discussed:

  • Jen shares her journey as an educator and how it played a role in creating Empowered Educator

  • Small mindset shifts you need to make to deal with fear and pleasing others

  • How to redefine success as internal versus external items being connected to your self-worth

  • What Jen has learned personally and professionally moving beyond the classroom and the advice she would give others

Resources mentioned:

Related episodes and blog posts:

 

Meet Jen Rafferty

​​Educator, author, and founder of Empowered Educator, Jen Rafferty started as a middle school music teacher for 15 years in Central New York. She is known for bringing her energy, humor, and expertise to her presentations while inspiring educators to stay connected to their "why." Jen is a certified Emotional Intelligence Practitioner and is currently pursuing her Ph.D. in Educational Psychology.

Since its inception, the Empowered Educator has reached teachers and school leaders all over the world. Jen has been featured in Authority Magazine, Medium, Thrive Global, and Voyage MIA, and was on the TEDx stage with her talk Generational Change Begins with Empowered Teachers. She is also the host of the podcast Take Notes with Jen Rafferty, which is rated in the top 3% of podcasts globally.

Jen's insatiable curiosity continues to make the Empowered Educator programs relevant and reflective of the most up-to-date research in mindset, leadership, and cognitive neuroscience. She is committed to inspiring teachers and school leaders to discover their voices and maintain healthy longevity throughout their careers.

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Read the transcript for this episode:

Lily

Jen Rafferty is an educator, author and the founder of Empowered Educator. She started as a middle school music teacher, where she worked for 15 years in central New York. She is known for bringing her energy, humor, and expertise into her presentations while inspiring educators to stay connected to their why.

Lily

Jen is a certified emotional intelligence practitioner and is currently pursuing her PhD in educational psychology. Since its inception, the Empowered Educator has reached teachers and school leaders all over the world. Jen has been featured in many different media outlets and was on the TEDx stage with her inspiring talk. generational change begins with empowered teachers.

Lily

She's also the host of the podcast, Take Notes with Jen Rafferty, which is rated in the top 3% of podcasts globally. In everything she does, Jen is committed to inspiring teachers and school leaders to discover their voices and maintain a healthy longevity throughout their careers.

Lily

Welcome Jen, so glad to have you here with us.

Jen

Thank you so much for having me. It's great to talk with you.

Lily

Okay. Well, I would love to hear about your journey as an educator. I know that's a big question, so take it in whatever direction you'd like.

Jen

Yeah, it is a big question. You know, for me, I always wanted to be a teacher, I was singing for my stuffed animals or so the story goes very early on. And so I loved having an audience. And teaching music was something that I really felt like was in my bones.

Jen

And I remember, even as a seventh grade choir student, I remember keeping some of the materials because I thought I might want to use them one day in my own classroom. And, you know, it was funny, when I went to my mother's house as she was moving out of my childhood home, I found actually some of those papers that I had saved over the years.

Jen

And it meant a lot to me to be able to have music, be a part of my life and share it with other people in this way and really inspire other people to discover their voice.

Jen

And so I went to school as a music education and vocal performance major and Ithaca College in Ithaca, New York. And I loved it, I had a great time, I felt really comfortable and confident in teaching. And you know, when I first got to my classroom, for the very first time, like so many first year teachers, I felt grossly underprepared.

Jen

I was, I was really kind of mad about it, actually, if I'm being honest, because I felt so confident. And I was told how great I was doing that I wasn't expecting it to be that hard. And after a lot of reflection, you know, it occurred to me, I really understood my content. I knew my pedagogy, and I just written a beautiful three page paper about my philosophy of teaching. And I didn't know who my students were.

Jen

And so walking into a classroom, particularly of middle school students, I was missing the mark in quite a big way. So that kind of led me down another journey of my own research of brain development in cognitive neuroscience, particularly during adolescence, which really informed my teaching for the rest of my career.

Lily

Yes, so interesting. So then you stayed a music teacher for how many years?

Jen

I was in the classroom teaching music for 15 years. And I loved it, I really did, I had the beautiful opportunity to develop new programs. I started a modern bands program at the high school that I was working at, which is still alive and well today, which is so cool kids are performing and producing and recording and writing their own tunes are really bringing GarageBand culture back in the town that I'm in, which is awesome.

Jen

And then I had the opportunity to have some leadership positions within the school within the middle school itself. I was the head of the department for a number of years. And and I really did love it. And it really probably would have been something I would have done the rest of my life if it weren't for COVID.

Lily

Yes, I hear you threw a wrench in everybody's plans. But through that experience, I know it morphed into a new direction for your career. So can you tell everybody kind of what happened with COVID and where you're at now?

Jen

So COVID was a really interesting time, obviously, for all the obvious reasons, but for me in my journey, particularly, you know, in December 2019 I just published my book, which is something I wrote kind of to pay homage to my younger self, and those beginning years of teaching to pay it forward to the folks who are just starting out.

Jen

And two weeks after it was published, my husband and I decided we're gonna get a divorce. And I ended up moving out of my house with my kids who were five and seven at the time, the same weekend that the world shut down in March of 2020. And so, in addition to all of the challenges that we were all facing, I really felt as if my identity shifted overnight in all the ways that I thought mattered to me at the time.

Jen

And I had to reckon with, you know, who am I, and who do I want to be. And part of that really led me back to the reason why I started teaching in the first place, which was to inspire people to discover their voice. And I facilitated a lot of different conversations with educators all over the United States about how we're going to shift and make music education more accessible in this virtual space.

Jen

And at the same time, listening to my own gut and where I was being led to. So in the fall of 2020, I decided to take off, which is just what I thought it was going to be a semester to homeschool my kids, and started my PhD in educational psychology and really went on my own healing journey discovered mindset. I was certified as an emotional intelligence practitioner and continue to dive into the research of cognitive neuroscience.

Jen

And when it came time to decide whether or not I wanted to go back to the classroom, my head said, Yeah, Jen, absolutely, you're gonna do this, this is what you wanted to do your whole life. But you know, my intuition, and my heart was just calling me that there was something else that was out there. And I listened.

Jen

So I resigned. I wrote my resignation letter in February of 2021. And it felt amazing. until four days later, I was a hot, soggy mess on my couch, you know, snot bubbles, the whole thing, what did I just do, I just quit my job, I have two kids to feed, it's COVID. Everything was so uncertain. But once I made that decision, Empowered Educator became very clear.

Jen

And now that's the company that I founded. And it's been such an amazing, exciting path, because now I focus on the social and emotional well being of the adults in schools, which, as we all know, is a place that was really overlooked, particularly during the pandemic.

Lily

Absolutely, yes, I love hearing this story too have like, I've had experiences to have been like, this is what I want to do. And this is what I think I should do. This is what my heart tells me. And it's not like in the movies, I feel like we're it's like, all right, yes, I'm making this decision like 100% in.

Lily

I do feel like there are moments often of being like, what did I do like, and then back at it, and that all of that is like part of the process. So I appreciate hearing just about, like how that looked and unfolded for you.

Lily

And I love the focus of Empowered Educator on the well being of the grownups in the room, I think that's so needed. And from my work as a teacher, and you know, working with teachers, something that's just really overlooked. And I think undervalued, like the emotional well being and capacity of teachers, is really like so much rests on it.

Lily

So I know, in addition to burnout, a lot of teachers just are dealing with this constant state of stress, which maybe also is related to burnout. And all sorts of fears come up when we're in that state.

Lily

And especially like a lot of teachers that I work with thinking about doing something new, whether it's moving to a different school or moving beyond the classroom or expanding their skills in some way. Fear often holds us back, and what advice do you have for teachers dealing with fear?

Jen

So fear is part of our biology. And I think what happens is, we get into this mindset of, we're going to just push through the fear, and we're going to do it anyway. And often, that doesn't always help. Because we're not acknowledging the fear and its job.

Jen

And part of this is recognizing that your brain's only job like its sole purpose is to keep you alive, period. It doesn't care if you're happy, it doesn't care if you're, you know, learning new things. It definitely doesn't care if you're living your dreams. And in fact, your brain probably would vote against you living your dreams because it has no evidence of you doing that and surviving.

Jen

So anytime that you are going to be stepping out of your comfort zone in any way, fear is going to kick in because it is your brain's first defense, to keeping you safe. And teachers kind of stepping into a new profession or doing a side hustle or just trying something new. The big things like that, off course that fear is really obvious, but it could be even small things like relaxing over the weekends.

Jen

If your Nervous System has no evidence of you relaxing for more than 10 minutes and surviving. It's not gonna let you do it without intentional thought, and practice, because it just doesn't have any evidence that that you've survived this. So this is why when you're on vacation, you're like, Oh, I can't wait to get on vacation and an hour goes by and your mind is thinking about work again. That's your brain, leveraging fear to stop you.

Jen

And so the takeaway for this is to recognize when fear is in the driver's seat, because the truth is, you're not your brain, you're a person who has a brain. So if you can recognize this as for what it is, and say, oh, okay, I see what's happening here.

Jen

I said that I really wanted to do this new thing. And I was really excited about it. And now all of a sudden, I'm finding that a week has gone by and I haven't written that email, I haven't made that phone call, I didn't reach out and message that person on Facebook. That's so interesting.

Jen

And what happens is that procrastination is one of those fear flavors that your brain is going to be like, You know what, you have to vacuum right now you cannot sit down and write an email, there's a sink full of dishes, and you forget to do the sink full of dishes and like everything else. And so a week goes by a month goes by two years go by and you're like, you, I always wanted to write that book. I always wanted to try that new career.

Jen

And here you are. And it's two years later, and even you're in the same spot, because we're not consciously aware that your brain and your fear is sabotaging. So acknowledging it for what it is recognizing when it comes up loving it, because it's keeping you alive.

Jen

On your fear, it's doing a great job. If you're listening to this podcast, it's done very well by you because you are alive. So we recognize it. We love it. And we say thank you fear, and I don't need you right now, I'm actually not going to die by making that phone call writing that email, having that difficult conversation.

Lily

Yeah, I mean, I think that's so powerful to be able to observe your brain in that way. And to really notice it, you know, what it's doing, and that it's doing it with good intention, right, like, as you're saying, but that also it's holding you back. And I think that it's just like a really lovely, empowering way of looking at it.

Lily

And also, I know, just think of like other things that hold teachers back in general, I know that for me, every many teachers that I work with, is people pleasing. And I'm wondering if you have any advice around that?

Jen

Sure. Well, people pleasing is a beautiful, adaptive behavior that, you know, we all, we all suffer from, you know, this is not just a teacher problem, or a mom problem, or, you know, I mean, I think that there are layers of it if you fit into some of those roles. But there's, there's an element in this for so many people.

Jen

So first of all, there's nothing wrong with you, you're totally normal. And, you know, when we consistently feel as if other people's comfort is more important than our own, we are consistently going to be emotionally pressing ourselves to please everybody else. And that never feels good.

Jen

You know, and going back to the fundamental principle of Empowered Educator is, the most generous thing you can do for the people in your life is take care of yourself. And so that's really asking yourself some important questions like, What do I want? Where am I in this situation?

Jen

There are really good keywords that you can look for in this, for example, you know, if you're hearing yourself, well, I really should be doing this, or I shouldn't be doing this, or I'm supposed to do this, or I'm not supposed to do this. If you're asking yourself, well, who's should is this who's supposed to is this? Then chances are, you're going to realize that it's not even yours. It's not even yours.

Jen

You know, I really should join this committee. Okay, whose should is this? Oh, well, it's because my predecessor was a part of every single committee and I don't want to disappoint anybody. That's so interesting. And now we can start to really play with that and get underneath some of that, because we're being honest with ourselves.

Jen

So that's really important to come at this from a lens of data and non judgement too because we don't want to hate on ourselves either about being in these situations where we should all over ourselves, you know, all of it is programming. And again, you know, you're not your brain.

Jen

You're a person who had a brain and your brain learned at some point along the way that it is more important for other people to be happy. Because that's how you received love or that's how you were validated or that's how you felt that you your worth was affirmed.

Jen

And so now You know, decades later, are fully grown adults. You know, the six and seven year olds who first started to learn these things about life are running the show. And so this comes up all the time. It still does for me, as someone who's immersed in this work all the time, the difference is noticing, because you can't change something you don't notice.

Lily

Absolutely. And I think someone is like we yeah, we don't know that we're doing that, right. I mean, I think just that invitation to be like, whose should is it is so powerful, because often I think we're just like, well, this is what I'm doing. Yes, I'll say yes to this, like, Sure, I'll do this and taking that pause or being like, hey, like, do I really want to do this? Or whose showed is it? Or why do I feel like I should do it?

Lily

And really untangling it to is worth it and hard. Because I think we just accept it. Sometimes I was like normal, but it takes a lot of untangling that for all sorts of things to kind of get a sense of what we really want to do and what really is supportive to us in that moment.

Jen

Yeah, sure. And, you know, it can be exciting. It doesn't have to be hard. And that's another thing about this kind of work. I think it kind of falls into this place. A lot of times it's heavy. It's hard. It's deep. And there's a lot of levity in all of this too. And it could be really exciting to explore all of it. Does it feel good all the time? No, it doesn't feel good all the time.

Jen

When you're looking at a mirror, sometimes it can be confronting, but at the end of the day, what's on the other side of that is a version of you who is free from all the people pleasing is free from all the shoulds is free from a long line of tradition of just you've been doing it this way.

Jen

Because that's the way you thought it was supposed to be done without even questioning. So inviting the opportunity for curiosity is always going to be a fun space to play in.

Lily

Absolutely, yes. And I think that reminder to like bring some amusement. Yeah. Oh, like, yeah, it doesn't have to be heavy, even in that like, is a blocker too, like, it's very serious. I'm working on myself, like, you know, it can be fun, and it should be fun. And like, what you want on the other side, likely is some amount of joy built in there too.

Lily

So I think with that, you know, thinking about these small shifts we can make to make big shifts in our life, I would love to hear you talk about kind of how we define success.

Jen

Sure. So for me, the definition of success has changed a lot over the years, you know, I was a straight A student, I worked really hard growing up as a kid, because those grades meant a lot to me as a performer. You know, being on stage, I often gauge my success with how did the audience clap? Did they give me a standing ovation how many good job Jens did I get afterwards.

Jen

And what happens is when you, when you define success as something external, you're constantly chasing it outside of yourself. Because I had no control over what the audience was going to do, I have no control about, you know, whether my English teacher was in a good mood or not, and how she was going to grade my paper, I have no control over, you know, what school, I got into, to some extent, right.

Jen

And so shifting to a definition of success that allows for internal agency has been really important, and game changing for me in my life. And this is what I share and teach with the educators that I work with, too, because also, we work in a place where there is this idea of external success where the kids see the gold star or not the star or the check or the check minus.

Jen

And I'm not saying that evaluation is important it is that's how we learn. We we learn we grow, but attaching it to your self worth is where it gets a little hairy. And so what does success mean to me now? It means that I get to spend as many hours of the day as possible, feeling the way I want to feel, period. That's it. That's how I run my business. That's how I operate my my households. That's how I interact with my family.

Jen

And at the end of the day, I get to be in the driver's seat about whether or not I feel successful that day. Not anybody else, not my bank account, not the amount of connection calls I had not the you know, length of my podcasts or how many people you know, subscribe to it. None of that it's all external. This is about me and what I have agency in.

Lily

I love that and I think it's so powerful and something that like, yeah, it's just so freeing, and then what truly matters, right? Like I mean, I think that all these other things, right? Like bank account, podcast downloads, like all the things how your kids are doing on assessments, like all those things are like stand ins. Like, external things we look for.

Lily

But like what we all really want and deserve is to feel good in our bodies as we go through our lives. And so I think prioritizing that is puts things in perspective, and is really powerful. Because truly that is what you can control. And so I think that, yeah, that's just like so beautifully said, you know, and I encourage listeners to think about, like, what that means for them.

Lily

You know, and to reframe, you know, all those things that we focus on externally don't have to be the focus. And it doesn't mean they're not important in some way. But like, they're not the most important.

Jen

Yeah, it's a shift. And, exactly, it's not that they're not important. It's that it doesn't have to be tied to your self worth. And it doesn't have to be tied to your ideas of success, you can be super successful because of the things that you decide to do, not what other people think, or say, or do or don't do.

Lily

Absolutely. And I think it's like it goes back to all those like stories or experiences that people might have had of like, people who on the surface look really successful, you know, but still don't feel satisfied with their life. So and so I think that like also is evidence. Like, it's not necessarily just the external factors that are important, it is really building that internal capacity and intention for your life.

Lily

So I'd love to hear I'm hearing about your work is so exciting and powerful. And I feel like I've learned so much through this conversation. But I'd love to hear what you've learned, both personally and professionally from moving beyond the classroom and starting your own business.

Jen

Well, I've learned that really anything's possible, I never in a million years would have thought I'd be running a company. I didn't. That was going to be my life. But once you step out of what's currently in your reality, and move into a place of possibility, truly, you are limitless.

Jen

And the only limitations we put on ourselves are the ones that are self created. That's it, there are no other limitations that are around you. It is all your perception of what you believe is possible for you.

Jen

Because if you don't believe that the kind of success I was just talking about is for you, then you're never going to feel it. If you don't feel and believe as if having, you know, the number that you think is an appropriate number in your bank account is possible for you, you're never going to get it.

Jen

If you don't believe that healthy relationships is your thing. That's it for you. And so you can only grow to the capacity of your belief. And when you start to change your belief system to really align with who you want to be in this world, and everything changes.

Lily

Yes, that's amazing. And I found it totally true as well. And I think that teachers in particular, it's like, we just a part of the system that's like all of these limits, you know, but I felt so boxed in as a teacher that it's almost like I couldn't see other options for myself.

Lily

And so I think this idea of like, just allowing yourself also to dream. And think beyond those limits, like, which are often not true, like those aren't your limits. And just because you haven't seen models or don't know what it looks like, doesn't mean that it can't happen. And so I love this idea of like creating this space before it happens and thinking about it and imagining it and like feeling it before you even get that thing that you want.

Lily

So I would love it any advice that you have for teachers who might be thinking about moving beyond the classroom, maybe they have an idea of something they want to share with the world? What advice would you give them?

Jen

Find a network of people who cheer you on. There's going to be a lot of naysayers. And it is important to realize that their commentary has nothing to do with you. And has everything to do with them and their own limitations and beliefs and ideas of what's possible and fear. And stepping out into the entrepreneurial worlds is not for everybody.

Jen

And if it is something that is calling you, then listen to the call and find your people who are going to cheer you on loudly and fan your flame. You need that because this is not an easy path. So support with folks who have who have done this already. And it with folks who are also at the same spot as you so you can be in it together in community.

Lily

Yes, absolutely. And I think it's like that helps with all those limits, too. Right? Like people who can see beyond those limits. People who can see your vision and cheer that on, get help when like the inevitable moments come up where you're like, Wait, can I do this thing? Like I'm not sure if I can. And so really building that you Before you really need it, I absolutely agree.

Lily

Well, thanks so much, Jen. It's been so wonderful talking with you, I would love for you to share how folks can connect with you and learn more about your work.

Jen

Sure. So the easiest way is my website empowerededucator.com. If you go to the Resources page, there's a ton of free resources there for you to just kind of dip your toe in to this world and really see what's out there and available for you.

Jen

And of course, you can listen to my podcast too, which is Take Notes with Jen Rafferty, that's a really fun space where I have conversations with a lot of people outside the education world who talk about all sorts of stuff about how to human, it's really about being a person first, and teaching also. And that's that's been a really great space as well. So those are the two main places you can find me.

Lily

Wonderful. Well, thanks so much, Jen. It's been such a pleasure.

Jen

Thank you for having me.

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